Tomorrow I turn 30.
When I was a little girl, I dreamed of what my life would look like when I turned 30. I would be living in New York City, working as an actor, and when I turned 30 I would meet the right guy and get married sometime around then, with babies coming a few years later. That's what I always thought would be my path, my journey in the world. I wanted to make a difference and have influence. I loved acting and found such a passion in the actor's process. I never ever EVER would have imagined I would be that girl who got engaged super young and got married and became someone's wife at such a tender young age. I was never boy crazy, never very co-dependent, never really dreamed of having a wedding or being a mom or any of those domestic things. I knew I wanted to have those things one day, perhaps, but I never dreamed of them. I dreamed of working hard as a stage actress and then making my way into movies and being famous and accepting my Oscar while wearing a red gown. I practiced my speech a lot. Because in my dreams, I always win at the Oscars :)
Well, this weekend I'm turning 30. I've been married for 10 years and I have two baby boys. My stage in life is my kitchen and the awards that I accept are kisses and compliments from the chorus of boys that surround me. Life isn't anything like I dreamed when I was a little girl, but I'm not being cheesy or lying when I say that it is BETTER than what I dreamed of back then.
I am honestly so amped to turn 30. I feel like I finally match my age. For so many years, I felt a sense of judgement when I shared my story with others - that I got married young, that I went to college "out of order", and that I tried out so many different types of jobs over the years. I never felt on par with my peers. I knew that the choices I was making were the right ones for me, but I didn't feel like I was doing the same things as everyone else my age. But since becoming a mom, I have found such a sense of community and camaraderie in motherhood that I've never had in any other season of my life. I'm certainly not done dreaming or pursuing out-of-the-ordinary ventures. But I feel so myself at this age. And I totally love it.
The other day I was watching the Friends episode where all the characters mourn over turning 30. It's so funny to me how sad people get about leaving their twenties, as if they haven't "done enough" with those years. Well, I feel like I've done a lot with those years! I've learned so much about myself, and I've learned that life just isn't all about me and what a wonderful thing that is! I suppose having kids does that to you. And getting married young taught me that sacrifice is beautiful; it's a surefire way to leave a lasting impression of your love for someone else. In a world where the emphasis is constantly on our achievements and pursuits and accomplishments, I am grateful for my unusual, somewhat unpopular journey of giving so much of my life to my marriage and my family. It seems counter-culture in an age of feminism and women on the rise, but actually, I feel more present in my femininity than ever. I am just getting started, friends. My 30's are going to be SO MUCH FUN.
Thanks for journeying with me. I've been blogging for 5 years now and this space has changed so much during that time. But I love this corner of the Internet (it's my favorite space!) and I hope that when you visit, you feel encouraged and inspired to be your best self. And to have fun. Here's to turning 30 and to getting ever better with time!
Tomorrow I turn 30.