What. A. Week.
I don’t even know how to put this week into words. To say that I experienced an extreme of emotions would be an understatement. It has been a whirlwind of joy, terror, comfort, anxiety and homesickness. My heart is weary from feeling.
I had the opportunity to enjoy the company of so many people that I love, many who live in entirely different worlds from each other; from Boston to Atlanta and varied pockets in between. I celebrated with the beautiful women in my bible study at a fancy affair in downtown Boston. I got the chance to visit with my soul-sister in law and her delightful children on a random whim. I got to party with my BFFs at a super-duper-anticipated pop concert. I got to run and cross-train (while having wonderfully deep conversation) with my stinkin’ amazing bro-in law. I got to have a dreamy brunch with my parents as we discussed the possibilities of the future. I spent an entire day in my pjs with my cousin (who is exactly like a sister, just a blonde one.) And I got to waltz around a chic farm haven with my sincerely sweet sister.
Unfortunately, I also got to watch in horror as my city was locked down and ravaged with fear as a manhunt for a suspected terrorist ensued. I was glued to the news for 15 hours on Friday as I anxiously prayed for the safety of my husband, who was home alone and unable to leave our apartment, per the request of Boston authorities. I was honestly so worried he wouldn’t have enough to eat. It sounds ridiculous, as people were fighting for their lives in the hospitaldue to the terrifying acts committed over the course of the week by this suspect. But it’s the truth.
Harboring anxiety is awful, but it’s honestly so difficult to overcome fear in the face of adversity. Once you give your heart over to that fear, you usually don’t get any peace back. It’s not a mutually beneficial exchange. Clearly, this is something I am still working on, not allowing my circumstances to rock my inner-peace. But being apart from my best friend and knowing he was alone to handle the scare of a terrorist on the loose in our neighborhood was a little too close for comfort. Though my heart was stirred, these are the moments when I am so thankful I know Jesus and have this precious compass of faith. While I don’t understand why terrible things happen to innocent people, I believe God is always good and He listens to the prayers of his people. I also believe he heard America’s prayers as we joined together, asking for this suspect to be located and no more innocent life to be lost. I believe His guarding angels commanded a presence just as thick as the police authorities during the hours that we, as a country, watched the news and fiercely prayed with all our hearts. This is my belief.
My heart is conflicted as I meditate on gratitude. How to be grateful for peace and safety when I know others are suffering the loss of their children, husbands and loved ones? People just like you and me, who have been punctured with such an awful injustice. They are laid up in hospital beds, their bodes bruised and their hearts pulsing in anguish. Join with me today and pray that God may bless them, keep them, expand their territory and heal their bodies and spirits in a way that only He can.